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City Promotes Health, Forces Citizens to do Burpees as Payment for Parking Garages

MADISON, WISCONSIN -- The city of Madison has officially passed a law to help combat the city's ongoing obesity epidemic. The city and its many parking garages now only accept extremely taxing aerobic exercise as payment! City council was widely in agreeance with these news regulations, claiming that this will "finally show those fat fucks a lesson."

The law was initially met with both negative and positive criticisms. Mayor Billy Blanks commented on the new law, noting that he "swore an oath to prioritize the health of Madison's citizens," by essentially "making these lazy 9 to 5 losers get out of their car and do a bit of exercise." Mayor Blanks was later seen leaving the courthouse wearing running shoes with his formal suit.

One elder and especially whiny citizen commented on the affair as well:

Dave Spearmint
"I held up the line at my parking garage for 45 minutes because I have bone spurs. This new law doesn't make any sense. I fear for my life."
--Dave Spearmint, crybaby


Burpees are only the recommended method. Legally, you can also do sit-ups, push-ups, jumping jacks, or not eat like a fat slob every night before bed!


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