Search

How NOT to Fight With Your Family this Christmas

The holidays are here and so are your family. Let's all get along!



1. Avoid Artificial Insemination

  • You're going to have family over, and tip number one is to avoid artificially inseminating any of your family members. Look guys, I’d like to AI my G-Pa just as much as the next guy, but cmon, wait until the new year.

2. Do NOT Speak English

  • I can't stress this enough, be careful with how much English you speak. It hasbeen proven that speaking English is a recipe for fights to break out and tempers to rise. Not this year!

3. Human Lips

  • It's the time of year for giving thanks and compassion, so it wouldn't be a terrible idea to bring a small box of human lips for each family member to enjoy.

4. Pharmaceutical Eating Competitions

  • Cards Against Humanity and Scategories are great, but why not kick it up a notch and try a pharmaceutical eating competition! Who doesn't want to stuff their face full of yummy Vicodin and wash it down with Codeine syrup underneath the mistletoe?

5. Milk

  • Always have at least 3 gallons of milk in the fridge. It's December so this is pretty self explanatory.




Happy Holidays!


0 views
Hire Me!

© 2019 by Michael Wallace